the other 5%

Cold Day Coffee

95% of the time I love being a mom.  I mean, the entire act of motherhood.  I love  Reed’s face in the morning.  I love watching him get stronger and bigger and wiser.  I love watching him watch the world.  I even love the less shiny things:  rocking back and forth with him as he cries and cries while the sun comes through the window, waking up with him in the night, washing diapers.

The other 5% of the time it is usually cloudy outside.  Adam is gone.  And Reed probably hasn’t had a good nights’ sleep.  And then he most likely didn’t stay asleep for more than a few minutes in the morning.  And then by afternoon he is so tired all he does is cry.  And in the evening, it is more like screaming.  And I still love being a mom, I guess, in that 5%.  But I am irritable and grumpy and just want to wash my hair.  Reed, please let me go wash my hair. And all I can do is pray the prayer that has been finding its way to me since day one, “God, please teach me to be a mother.”  It’s a prayer that God always seems ready to answer.  God is also a mother.  But despite all prayers and answers, I am still irritable and grumpy and frumpy.

But, eventually night does fall.  Even on days like that.  And the babe does sleep.  And within a few short hours of quiet, I have forgotten the endless crying and yelling and and rocking.  And I’m just looking forward to his smile in the morning.

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One thought on “the other 5%

  1. Another factor— Midwest in January and February. It is really getting to me this year. Thankfully, I am aware of this as the cause (most of the time) and bundle everyone up to get outside.

    “Get outside every day.” Great advice from some old guy.

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