I guessed I was pregnant when I got two giant pimples in the middle of December but didn’t know for sure until Christmas morning. It was quiet in that Christmas way and kind of dark and the Christmas tree was glowing.
I’m seven weeks along now, maybe eight, and already I am astonished at what a different experience being pregnant with this second little one is than it was with Reed. Reed has always been a warm, methodical child, and the pregnancy had a similar quality to it. I never had any cravings aside from a hankering for oranges and milk in the very beginning (and I think that was just my body’s sincere need for extra nutrients). By my sixth week I was very tired every day with little variation. I slept eleven hours each day, and my waking hours all had a feverish nausea to them. I did not enter the kitchen except to make my toast and butter, which is all I would eat. Every meal, I sleepily made myself warm tea and toast and butter, and early every evening I crawled slowly, slowly to bed. The whole world was slow and quiet like the world when you have had the flu for days and you wake up in the middle of the night to that strange, sick, quiet. And it felt holy and exhausting and sweet.
There is nothing methodical about this pregnancy or quiet or serene. These last couple weeks have been wild, unpredictable, and somehow lighthearted. One night I will sleep eleven hours. The next night I will sleep eight. In the morning I will feel jolly and industrious. At night I will be irritable and lethargic. I will spend fifteen minutes lying down in severe nausea, then, a little while later, go into the kitchen to make caramels. Because I just have to eat caramels. I will be so exhausted that I will beg for a nap, then not be able to nap because I can’t stop thinking about pizza. Adam will order me a pizza and I will eat more than half, and then not be able to eat anything but my leftovers the next day because the smell of all other food makes my stomach churn. Then I will make cookies.
I am dumbfounded.
I can’t wait to meet this kid.